nice tweed jacket.

View from my office today. #mycity (Taken with instagram)

Liberty County Montana: Whitest place in Amurrica

This. Is. Awesome.

I kinda remember what it was like to be excited about law school. Now, I’m happy for small victories. Like, stillpossibly being competent to stand trial. But, I’ve not yet taken a final, so we’ll have to wait and see*.

*The Rule Against Perpetuities has mostly been abrogated by statute. In states that apply the “wait and see” test, if I haven’t gone crazy by the time the statutory period runs, I don’t reap the benefits of whatever reason it was I decided to go to school in the first place.

Das what she seddd #thatswhatshesaid (Taken with instagram)

Tulie - #catmatzoing. @devonfiona (Taken with instagram)

Law School note takin skills, boyeeee.

Why am I at Mayhem day drinking when I could be doing something way funner like working on my final brief?

I love my friends. That’s why.

Things I decided I want at my funeral:

1. A HUGE PARTY.
2. Open bar (not just well, wine and beer. I’m talking whole shehbang)
3. Special guest speakers Eddie DiBartolo and Morgan Freeman.
4. A brawl. Men vying for this dead woman’s love.
5. Lotto ticket party favors.
6. Darts.
7. Strict dress code: jeans and tshirts.
8. Devon gives the first of 100 eulogies
9. Some award given posthumously.
10. A boring slideshow consisting of every photo ever taken of me, over which Boys II Men, Whitney Houston, 2Pac and (of course) Journey play.

• http: //www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJWlavnM6b0
• liz: oh my god i am so thoroughly uncomfortable
• is this a joke?
• step is pretty good though
• she better say yes.
• i was overwhelmed when 3 employees welcomed me to walmart....
• walmart... i mean gap
• bitch stop crying
• OH MY GOD
• HE MADE HER GET MARRIED THERE
• me: what?
• NO DONT TELL ME
• liz: OH MY GOD
• me: I HAVENT FINISHED IT
• SHH
• WAIT
• WAIT
• liz: i haven't seen it
• this show is absurd
• Sent at 749 PM on Thursday
• liz: what the fuck is this show
• Sent at 751 PM on Thursday
• liz: if this ever happens to me, SAY NO
• Sent at 752 PM on Thursday
• me: OKAY
• notes
• how romantic, he's humping the floor, JUST FOR HER
• at least they made it realistic and put the dominicans in cooks outfits (?)
• they even got the right size in construction paper for her
• liz: hahahaha
• hahahahahahaha
• i am laughing so hard
• i was like really? you're getting married with your dress underneath?
• is he afraid she'll run?
• me: her?
• i dont think she runs
• liz: hahahaha
• touche
• me: oh man
• if that ever happens to me......wake me up
• liz: i couldn't finish it
• me: u HAVE to
• liz: when she was on the alter going "are we really?"
• me: she's funny at the end
• she calls the bitch out
• liz: haha
• like cheering for her
• me: im gonna watch it again
• liz: oh god
• me: then reality sets in
• they fail their blood tests when they go to get a marriage license
• liz: hahahahahahaha
• me: he's got aids AND theyre brother and sister
• liz: shittiest song ever for a wedding song
• me: thats my FAVORITE SONG
• so romantical
• how could she ever doubt his love for her?
• he took her out to eat in a mall
• liz: i want to get married in front of 1,000 people i've never met
• liz: hahaha
• me: but seriously
• i want some LOVE ACTUALLY shit
• liz: haha
• dress over dress
• love it
• me: you think they were gonna do some back flips with her and had to rearrange the choreography when they saw who was wearing the special nametag
• liz: haha
• jesus
• me: wow howie, good observation about the waiters
• he acted like he was surprised
• shes into the dudes out the kitchen.... "awww get it boy!"
• one chef hadnt clocked in...he's still in his street gear
• Sent at 806 PM on Thursday
• me: nicki this all for you. i've brought you here to say "i think we should lose a combined 350 lbs"
• liz: hahahahah
• i'm laughing so hard at your commentary
• Sent at 808 PM on Thursday
• me: omg best friends!!! i LOVE that scrunchie
• liz: hahahah
• me: i dont have anything funny to say about when she claps her hands when he starts dancing
• she just looks like a retard
• liz: she needs to stop crying
• and find another man
• me: at least they did the right thing and put the fat groomsmen who dances worse than him in the back
• does she ever actually say "yes"?
• liz: i know
• i mean, i'm sure it's not legal so she could back out
• plus i want to plan my own wedding
• what the f
• and the camera adds 10 pounds
• me: BORROWING FROM FRIENDS
• so HOW MANY CAMERAS ARE ON HER?
• liz: haha, no idea
• at least 9
• i'd kill my friends
• me: what friends?
• liz: are you mocking me for not having friends? or that her friends are terrible people?
• me: hey nikki your parents are gonna stand on top of this truck while we get married
• oh, okay, so just as if it were a regular wedding
• liz: hahaha
• me: THAT BITCH IS WEARING A SCRUNCHIE
• liz: true friends 4 lyfe
• me: without any further ADO
• because u know... there was a little bit
• do you take him to be your husband? more than anything! what does that mean?
• more than you take him to be a shlub?
• justin and nikki davis
• remember that when youre practicing family law
• and as the beat drops out..... a voice plays over the tape
• "that was the happiest night of nikkis life. two weeks later, justin left her for the hot girl in the gold dress"
• hahaha okay but my FAVE part
• "what are you thinking?" - huhhhhh i'm married
• hahahaaa
• the girl in the gold dress come here! hahahaha NO!
• i could not have ever dreamt this, because freddy kreuger would have killed me
• liz: hahaha
• me: okay
• all in all though
• cute
• but much
• liz: as i said
• i walked into gap and was overhwlemed by the 3 people who greeted me at the door
• me: i cried when the wax lady told me my vag looks normal
• not the same thing?
• liz: haha is this you getting me back for comparing your fb loss to my bracelet loss?
• me: no
• this is me slowly losing my mind and making fun of other peoples happiness
• liz: no, that girl won't be happy the morning after
• me: of course not....somehow it will always be wrong
• men can never do the right thing
• when he proposed...i was like..theres 7 minutes left for him to fuck this up
• liz: hahahahahaha

1.  A stranger stopped me on the street today to ask if I knew how to get to “New Chinatown.”  I started laughing but then remembered reading a blog somewhere that said some tourists are now calling Clement Street the “New Chinatown”… I came home and googled and lo and behold! Afewpeople are calling it that.  I haven’t quite digested it, and am unsure how I’m feeling about this “new” microhood….but so far I can only describe the taste as bitter upchuck.

2.  I hate law school and what it’s done to my body/mind/life.  So far, I’ve broken up with a few besties who think my life is one big party.  I’ve torn a rotator cuff and strained/inflamed bicep muscles carrying books.  I’ve had more panic attacks and fewer nights sleep than a Teen Mom 2, gained 15 pounds and seriously considered dropping everything and moving to Belize for a few years.